Ep. 21 - Grow Profitable Relationships by Increasing Your Relationship Intelligence

To live The Extraordinary Life as a Lifestyle Entrepreneur you need a high level of Relationship Intelligence. Today during The Extraordinary Life LIVE Show we discussed this topic, answered questions from participants and shared proven strategies to improve your Relationship Intelligence Score and to help you accelerate your progress in achieving your goals and increasing the value of your relationship assets.

Relationship Intelligence by Jim Cathcart

by Jim Cathcart

Relationship Intelligence…is something that is sorely needed in this world. Here is the premise: Intelligence takes many forms. We’ve all been familiar with Intelligence Quotient, IQ, and in recent years such concepts as Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence have been popularized by Daniel Goleman among others.

We’ve stopped asking the dysfunctional question “How Smart Are You?” and begun to ask the more useful question, “How Are You Smart?” There are multiple “smarts” as Howard Gardner, Robert Sternberg and Thomas Armstrong have shown us in their books: Frames of Mind, The Triarchic Mindand Seven Kinds of Smart, plus their subsequent works. We now accept such concepts as: Intellectual Bandwidth, Physical Intelligence, Interpersonal Intelligence, Musical Intelligence, and more.

I’ve found, in my work with over 3,000 audiences over the past 40 years of teaching, consulting and lecturing, that there is also such a thing as “Relationship Intelligence®”. This is the capacity for understanding and operating successfully within the context of a multitude of human relationships. Individuals with a high Relationship Intelligence (RI) have much greater success in all types of dealings because they see beyond the momentary human interactions to the desired outcomes of the relationships. This is not just “people skills”, it is understanding human interaction within the context of continuing communication and commerce.

It is, as I say in my works on Relationship Selling, seeing Relationships as ASSETS and managing them accordingly.

The business community has come to embrace this concept more and more each year. One tool that has helped in this respect is CRM software. Customer Relationship Management systems have become so commonplace that an entire subculture has grown up around them. They now have international conventions strictly for the exploration of concepts and practices that establish, expand and sustain relationships over time.

What used to be simply a Rolodex of information, or a “data base” has now become a complex system among systems for keeping people connected. We’ve advanced into understanding and anticipating people’s needs and interests so that it is today virtually a science.

Here is The RI Formula (c): Relationship Intelligence equals Awareness Factor times Communication Skill over Desired Outcome.

RI = AF x CS / DO

The “Awareness Factor” consists of reading people and reading situations, in other words: Emotional Awareness and Context Awareness plus Self Awareness.

AF = EA + CA + SA

“Communication Skill” as used here consists of self presentation (self expression) and adaptability quotient. Adaptability Quotient measures one’s capacity for adapting to differences in people and changes in circumstances. CS = SP + AQ.
All of this is meaningless until you factor in the Desired Outcome.

A relationship with no desired outcome is not a relationship at all. It is simply a momentary exchange between people. Add a desired outcome; such as a business agreement and suddenly the expectations and requirements on both parties reach a much higher level.

For example: when two people make eye contact in a hotel lobby (in the USA) it is natural for them to smile, say “hello” or acknowledge each other in some way. That is not a relationship. Assuming they ride together on the elevator and exchange comments on the weather, they are still simply in “transaction mode” re: each other. But let’s assume that they soon discover that they are both headed for a boardroom wherein they will be introduced to each other and engaged in a discussion of a new business agreement, then a relationship develops.

Once they make this discovery their dialogue will take on a new dimension. They will become significantly more interested in each other. They will listen more carefully, interact more intentionally and take the entire experience more seriously. This is because they are now “invested” in the relationship. Meaning, if it goes well they stand to gain something and if not they stand to lose something.

In a business scenario this usually revolves around money and in a social scenario it revolves around feelings.

The more Relationship Intelligent each party is the more likely the relationships will be successful. If one is Emotionally Aware, meaning they understand feelings and the factors that affect feelings, then they’ll tend to be more sensitive to others and better at tact, diplomacy, persuasion, etc.

If they are Context Aware then they will understand that the situation is part of the relationship. Dealing with a CEO is not the same as dealing with a receptionist. Dealing with an urgent situation is not the same as dealing with a routine one. And so on.
To be Self Aware means to know how you come across to others and to understand what is going on within oneself. If you don’t know you, then chances are that you don’t understand others very well either. It is vital to “know thyself” as Socrates told us. This leads to self acceptance and self improvement.

Assuming a high Awareness Factor, the next category is Communication Skill. Just knowing is not enough, people must also be able to USE their knowledge to achieve an outcome. Communication Skill is Self Presentation, the ability to effectively express one’s ideas and listen well to responses, plus Adaptability Quotient. AQ is the combination of knowing how to communicate differently with different people and knowing how to adapt to changing situations. One might be great at getting along with people of all types but unable to cope with change and consequently they’d be handicapped in that relationship. Likewise the reverse, we can be good at adapting to change but inflexible in dealing with people and encounter many obstacles to success.

All of these are learn-able skills. You can learn to notice more and thereby increase your awareness. You can learn to listen well and communicate clearly. You can learn to read people and know how to customize your responses to the way each person would best receive your communication. Also you can learn to cope with and adapt to change.

What Relationship Intelligence does, is, for the first time, it puts all of these elements into context. It shows how they interact and combine in ways that will achieve the Desired Outcome.

The organizing factor here is the Desired Outcome. One simple way to make your relationships more productive today is simply to restate and agree upon the Desired Outcome at the beginning of each dealing. Just say, “To put today’s discussion in context let’s review what we are hoping to achieve through our dealings.” Then as each person states and clarifies their hopes and goals, you increase the focus and eliminate much of the irrelevant discussion.

Extraordinary Lifestyle Entrepreneur Challenge

In this video we personally invited a handful of lifestyle entrepreneurs (professional speakers, coaches, consultants, top sales executives and small business owners) to join us an upcoming, complimentary 8-Wk. Extraordinary Lifestyle Entrepreneur Challenge and encouraging them to join in so they can become extraordinary in all they do.

We want to help you create the results you desire and we're going to provide regular coaching along and helpful resources in a virtual support system designed for achievers just like you for 8 weeks for FREE to prove it to you!

In this upcoming challenge you will...

- Know where to start and how to accelerate your progress towards your goals
- Discover Self-motivation tactics to get and stay motivated
- Clarify your biggest goals into an Extraordinary Results Plan
- Learn to simplify your highest leverage activities and best ways to generate more income
- See steps to streamline your workflow to get more done in less time
- Discover Life strategies and skills to stay balanced and avoid burnout

All registered participants will receive access to a recording of the live kickoff webinar, exclusive access to our private Facebook Challenge Group (designed exclusively for lifestyle entrepreneurs) and our FREE e-book on the first Six Steps to live The Extraordinary Life.

Register now to learn more and join the challenge!

Space is limited to the first 100 to register and attend!

Episode 9

During this episode of The Extraordinary Life show we addressed the topic of taking action on living the extraordinary life and how to overcome procrastination in every area of your life. See more at www.TheExtraordinaryLife.com and register to join us live for our next episode @ http://bit.ly/TheExtraordinaryLifeShow

Getting the Right People on the Bike


There's been many great books (i.e. Good to Great by Jim Collins), motivational speeches and social media posts on the topic of "getting the right people on the bus" and many of you, like me, have probably used the analogy when referring to building a great team or business. It's a great analogy from Jim Collins best seller that speaks to corporate America, however, I feel there are a few key reasons why this 21 person bike is better analogy for the small business owner.

Riders on a bus are passive not active. A bus is fueled by a big engine and the riders on it are dependent on a machine fueled by energy of a 3rd party source. If the engine breaks or it runs out gas, the bus won't move regardless of who's in it. However, this 21 person bike is powered by the peddlers and without them peddling the bike won't move. There are 7 rows with 3 seats in each row and all 21 riders are pedaling and contributing. If one person doesn't pedal the load for the others increases. If a few peddlers call in sick, skip work, or who don't contribute their best, the team suffers immediate consequences.

Buses are enclosed and safe. If it rains or snows and you're on the corporate bus, you're safe. If you're on the small business bike, you have to pedal through the conditions you encounter. You're exposed to the elements and when the weather (i.e market) conditions get bad, what keeps the riders are pedaling is the driver's ability to transfer enthusiasm to the other riders about the mission, vision, values. Building a culture of peddlers (not a bus full of riders dependent on the bus and it's engine to move them) is vital to the bike moving to it's desired destination. Peddlers will pedal faster and with purpose if they see the vision clearly, feel like they're contributing and they see the leader pedaling along with them. (See Steve Jobs speech from 1980 on why Apple executives worked for half their salary and you'll see what I mean).

Buses have blind spots and they're hard to drive in competitive situations. If you've ever driven a large truck or motor-home you understand the difficulties here. Lots of blind spots can cause serious havoc on the bus if you're not skilled at driving a large vehicle. Most bus riders are not aware of the surroundings or dangers as they are completely dependent on the driver. This 21 person bike is small enough where it can change routes and redirect toward opportunities rather decidedly. It's open and vulnerable to elements but also there's lots of visibility by all participants to see danger and report it to the driver and because they are exposed to danger they have a vested interest in doing so.

So considering these points, do you see the value I see in this bike being a better analogy? After reading this and thinking it over, do you have 21 leaders or team members on your bike who are in the right seats and peddling to win? What needs to change? Who needs to be replaced? What seat needs to be filled?

Here's article by Jim Collins on his groundbreaking leadership book "Good to Great". I replaced the word "bus" with "bike" for emphasis. Tell me if you like it better and it makes more sense?

You are a bike driver. The bike, your company, is at a standstill, and it’s your job to get it going. You have to decide where you're going, how you're going to get there, and who's going with you. Most people assume that great bike drivers (i.e. business leaders) immediately start the journey by announcing to the people on the bike where they're going—by setting a new direction or by articulating a fresh corporate vision.

In fact, leaders of companies that go from good to great start not with “where” but with “who.” They start by getting the right people on the bike, the wrong people off the bike, and the right people in the right seats. And they stick with that discipline—first the people, then the direction—no matter how dire the circumstances. Take David Maxwell’s bike ride. When he became CEO of Fannie Mae in 1981, the company was losing $1 million every business day, with $56 billion worth of mortgage loans underwater. The board desperately wanted to know what Maxwell was going to do to rescue the company.

Maxwell responded to the “what” question the same way that all good-to-great leaders do: He told them, That’s the wrong first question. To decide where to drive the bike before you have the right people on the bike, and the wrong people off the bike, is absolutely the wrong approach.

Maxwell told his management team that there would only be seats on the bike for A-level people who were willing to put out A-plus effort. He interviewed every member of the team. He told them all the same thing: It was going to be a tough ride, a very demanding trip. If they didn’t want to go, fine; just say so. Now’s the time to get off the bike, he said. No questions asked, no recriminations. In all, 14 of 26 executives got off the bike. They were replaced by some of the best, smartest, and hardest-working executives in the world of finance.

With the right people on the bike, in the right seats, Maxwell then turned his full attention to the “what” question. He and his team took Fannie Mae from losing $1 million a day at the start of his tenure to earning $4 million a day at the end. Even after Maxwell left in 1991, his great team continued to drive the flywheel—turn upon turn—and Fannie Mae generated cumulative stock returns nearly eight times better than the general market from 1984 to 1999.

When it comes to getting started, good-to-great leaders understand three simple truths. First, if you begin with “who,” you can more easily adapt to a fast-changing world. If people get on your bike because of where they think it’s going, you'll be in trouble when you get 10 miles down the road and discover that you need to change direction because the world has changed. But if people board the bike principally because of all the other great people on the bike, you’ll be much faster and smarter in responding to changing conditions. Second, if you have the right people on your bike, you don’t need to worry about motivating them. The right people are self-motivated: Nothing beats being part of a team that is expected to produce great results. And third, if you have the wrong people on the bike, nothing else matters. You may be headed in the right direction, but you still won’t achieve greatness. Great vision with mediocre people still produces mediocre results.

Episode 7

During Episode 7 of The Extraordinary Life show Jim Cathcart and David Bush discussing Jim's new book The Self-Motivation Handbook and answering important questions regarding motivation such as...
1. How do you motivate yourself? How do you motivate your kids? Your staff? Your spouse?
2. What happens if you don't motivate them?
3. Why is motivation important?
4. Aren’t some people just not motivated?
5. What is the difference between a motivated job builder vs a motivated business builder?

Episode 4 featuring Dr. Tony Alessandra

In this episode we interview Dr. Tony Alessandra on his best tips for assessing your skills, gifts, talents and weaknesses to thrive in living The Extraordinary Life! Dr. Tony Alessandra helps companies out-market, out-sell and out-service the competition. Dr. Alessandra earned his PhD in marketing in 1976 from Georgia State University. Tony is Founder of Assessments 24x7 LLC, a company that offers a variety of online assessments, including the DISC profile. He is also a prolific author with 30 books and over 100 audio/video programs and films. He was inducted into the NSA Speakers Hall of Fame in 1985; the “Legends of the Speaking Profession in 2009; and the Top Sales World Sales Hall of Fame in 2010.

Dr. Alessandra's contact info:

LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonyalessandra/ 
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/assessments24x7
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/Assessments247
YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/TonyAlessandra
BLOG: http://assessments24x7.com/blog/

Episode 3 featuring Tracey Tremendous Jones

During this episode we interviewed Tracey "Tremendous" Jones on her new book "A Message to Millennials" and how every leader regardless of their generation can achieve extraordinary success in life and in the marketplace.

We asked Tracey the following questions...

What your biggest challenge you had to overcome to live the extraordinary life?
Where do you gain motivation and inspiration?
Why do you feel so many people fall short of living the extraordinary life?
Who are your role models or heroes?
What is the ONE thing you would say to others to help them live the extraordinary life?
How do you stay focused on your most important priorities?
What’s one life hack you could share with others that’s helped you create extraordinary results?

Tracey's answers will capture your heart, renew your enthusiasm and quite possibly change the way you think about the Millennial generation or about your future if you are a Millenial!

About Tracey C. Jones, Author, Speaker and Leadership Expert

Author of eight books (and counting!), Tracey C. Jones is the president of Tremendous Leadership. With twelve years in the Air Force, another ten in corporate boardrooms, plus an MBA in Global Management, Tracey built an impressive career as a corporate “fixer.” Her deep love of education has propelled her to continue her educational pursuits in a Philosophy of Leadership doctoral program. Her father, the late Charlie “Tremendous” Jones, founded Executive Books in 1965 with the goal of changing the world one book at a time. After amassing an exceptional leadership background of her own, Tracey took the company’s reins in 2009 – and carries on her father’s tremendous legacy today.

Website or Contact Information:
www.amessagetomillennials.com (check out her new book!)

Twitter: @traceycjones and @tremendousbooks
Facebook: @tremendoustracey and @tremendousleadership
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/traceycjones 
YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/tremendouslifebooks

Episode 2

In this episode we answered the following questions...
- How to Notice More of our surroundings and opportunities?
- How to stop existing in life and to become focused?
- How to evaluate our habits and patterns of daily life as extraordinary or ordinary?
- How to journal our thoughts and observations
- How to go beyond casual living to live The Extraordinary Life

Episode 1

In this first episode we answered the following questions...

- What is the extraordinary life?
- How to deal with problems to live the extraordinary life?
- How does one accelerate their progress in any area of life?
- What's the best Self-motivation tactics to stay motivated to achieve your goals?
- How to begin to clarify your biggest life goals into an Extraordinary Life Plan?
How does one simplify your highest and best ways to generate more $?
- What are the best steps to streamline your workflow to get more done in less time?
- How to stay focused, balanced and avoid burnout?